As I opened my Squarespace account tonight in hopes of writing a very overdue blog post.. this is what I found. An unedited blog post from January 28, 2017. And here is what I remember about that night when I wrote it.. It was a blog post that I never thought would relate to anyone. It was a blog post that I wasn't excited about sharing. And it was a blog post that I honestly had zero intentions of sharing.
But tonight, I read this blog and peace washed over me. It is exactly what I needed to read and exactly what I needed to feel - even if it isn't 'ready'. Again and again i'm reminded that everything doesn't have to be perfect to be good. I wanted to share this tonight - unedited - because it goes against everything in me. Living in the grey has never been one of my specialties. I'm working on it.
So here it is... 7 months ago and untouched. See below.
Woah! It has almost been a year since I last wrote a blog. It's super crazy how fast time flies. As the end of the month of January approaches, I find myself remembering the past two years in very detailed ways. I remember personal victories and failures. I remember coming back to the pink house after spring break (two days after everyone else), walking into the living room and my roommates clapping loudly and yelling, "speech, speech, speech". I remember couch talks and late night drives through downtown Athens. I remember a lot of the past two years but the thing I remember most is not just a single memory. It is something greater - much greater.
The lesson I value most is this - sometimes doing the hard thing saves us and that’s something we cannot forfeit.
Disclaimer: This is probably going to be the most cheesiest and unsophisticated blog i've ever written. To be quite honest, I have a blog in me somewhere because this past season has been huge. And I mean huge. Each week for the past six weeks, i've opened my computer, stared at my blank page and closed my computer five minutes later. Maybe it's because I was trying to force it to be perfect because this season has been incredible in so many ways. What i've learned through the struggle of coming up with a blog the past couple of months....even though I want to do this season justice by writing a blog that accurately portrays what i've experiecend, the matter of the fact is that nothing I write will ever come close to transporting a reader to the places my heart has been or feel the things my heart has felt. There's something to be said about that. And that's why today, i've stopped trying to make this something incredible.
One of the most important lessons i've learned in the past 6 or 7 months is that not everything has to be perfect. Not everything has to fit together perfectly in order for us to keep moving forward. The most important thing we can do as humans navigating through life is to keep moving forward; to keep navigating. I am never afraid about what comes next. I am excited about life. I recognize in every obstacle i've ever had to overcome - i've overcame. I've always made it through and nothing has ever remained the same. That's the beauty of life. Through every season, every person we meet, every conversation we have, every story we hear - we are being impacted in mighty ways even if we don't realize it in that moment. I am unbelievably grateful I am leaving this season behind, moving forward with gratitude towards the people behind me. Every situation is a piece to the puzzle; a building block to help you overcome the next obstacle and the next.
The truth is, life is not free of obstacles. I look back on my life and I think how I would've handled this or that completely different a year ago to how I have handled it now. I'm just left in awe. Our experience here cannot be wasted. That is why seasons must end and seasons must begin. May we not be afraid to say no to the present and yes to the unknown of the future. It has always worked out.
I’ve accepted what is. There is something so special about letting your life experiences be just that. Your life experiences. Sure, we can write about them. But it is so meaningful when you can be in the quiet with only yourself - to be one with yourself. To know who you are, where you’ve been, and where you’re going. Those moments are so special.
Alex